How To Win The Love Of Your Wife

Men want to know that they have ultimate control over their wife. Besides it being their right, it’s also their ego that sometimes controls their actions so that they are too proud to be gentle and kind, because they feel that they are giving in or being too soft, but the opposite of this is true.

Brothers, do you know that you already have such control? A simple word or two of praise and appreciation to your wife gives her such feelings inside of love and peace that all she will want to do is to do more for you. It is the natural feeling of complete joy that Allah has built into women that makes them such good wives and mothers.

You have the key to bringing out that natural state of submission in them. Just a few words, or a loving look, or gentle touch, to let her know that you appreciate her efforts to please you.

The opposite of this is true too, when you treat her harshly you can completely destroy her self-esteem, and she feels totally lost and heartbroken. This is also from Allaah, which he placed in her heart so that she strives so hard to please. If she didn’t feel this way, she wouldn’t care so deeply for her husband and children and meeting their needs and having the un-ending patience that mothers have.

When you allow your anger to be the way of controlling your wives, you don’t realize that it actually undermines your ultimate control. Having your wife obey you out of fear is no-where near as satisfying as having your wife obey you out of an inner desire to please you. The Prophet (saw) said:

The strong man is the one who can control his anger’.

Brothers, you already have the ultimate control that you strive for, just in your tone of voice, your ability to give praise, and the way that you are able to tell your wife when something displeases you in a gentle way that is more like educating her than admonishing her.

As men, and the leader of the family, you are the ones who need to set the ‘tone’ within the house. Use the control you have to create a happy, harmonious environment for yourself, your wife and your children insha’Allah. Don’t forget the reward from Allah: The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wasalaam) said:

The best amongst you is the one who is best to his wives‘.


7 Responses to “How To Win The Love Of Your Wife”

  1. Asaalamaualayakum

    Praise be to Allaah.

    This is a saheeh hadeeth which was narrated by the two Shaykhs [al-Bukhaari and Muslim] in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top part, so treat women kindly.”

    This is a command to husbands, fathers, brothers and others to treat women kindly and not to oppress them; to give them their rights and to guide them to do good. This is what is obligatory upon everyone, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Treat women kindly.” This is not altered by the fact that a woman may sometimes mistreat her husband or relatives with her words or actions, because she was created from a rib as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and the most crooked part of it is the top. It is well known that the top of it is the part by which it is attached, so the rib will have some crookedness in it at that point, as is well known.

    The meaning is that she will inevitably have some crookedness or shortcomings in her character. Hence it was narrated in another hadeeth in al-Saheehayn:

    “I have not seen any lacking in rational ability and failing in religion but (at the same time) robbing the wisdom of the wise, besides you [women].”

    The point is that this is the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and it is narrated in al-Saheehayn from the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him). What is meant by lacking in rational ability, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, is that the testimony of two women is equivalent to the testimony of one man. Failing in religion, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, means that women spend days and nights without praying, i.e., because of menstruation or post-childbirth bleeding. This is a shortcoming which Allaah has decreed for them, and there is no sin on them because of that.

    So women should accept this in the way that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) meant it, even if a woman is knowledgeable and pious, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not speak of his own whims and desires, rather that was a Revelation that was revealed to him, which he conveyed to the ummah, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “By the star when it goes down (or vanishes).

    Your companion (Muhammad) has neither gone astray nor has erred.

    Nor does he speak of (his own) desire.

    It is only a Revelation revealed” [al-Najm 53:1-4]

    Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat al-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), part 5

  2. Abu Amir Salafiyoon Al Hasan As-Salafi Says:

    Walaykum As-salaam wa Rahmahtullaah.

    Insha Allaah.

    May he make us men of the best men who treat the woman good as well Make the woman the best woman who obey

    2.His Prophet ( Alayhis Salaatu Wasalaam )
    3.then lastly her husband.


    This ends my comment/observation.

    May Allaah grant the brother ( hafidhaullaah ) tawfeeq in this world and next for the post that he reminded us Muslims. Ameen!

    Wasalaamu Alaykum wa rahmahtullaahi wa baaraktuh!

  3. Assalamu Aleikum

    1) Am I allowed to copy this article and use it for other Islamic article based websites?

    2) Also, who is the author of this post and where is it sourced from?

    JazakAllah Khair

    • Wassalaamu ‘alaykum,

      1) Yes. And likewise with all te articles on this blog…

      2) In all honesty bro, I can’t remember where I got this article from, so te author remains unknown… Sorry bro…

  4. Faldie Victor Says:

    Slm, can u send this 2 my husband Kanallah.

Leave a reply:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: