“Women also have desires, emotional and physical. It is not immoral of her to ask for intimacy, it is only her innate nature.”
Introduction: Realize that women also have sexual desires. Although their main desire is emotional, they also have that sexual urge. Don’t ignore this as it could cause her harm. She is not immoral if she asks you for intimacy. Nor is she immoral if its continuous, it just means she has a strong urge for it, and this is the way she is. One of the purposes of marriage is to save ourselves from fitnah. And if you are not responding to her call, then this could cause her major problems. Indeed it could be that by you continuously refusing her call, not only would you damage her, but you could cause her to think of doing the haraam. So, due to the “boil up” of desire within her, she could start to think about haraam acts. If she has this huge build up of desire which has no halaal avenue, then, when a good looking guy walks past her on the streets or elsewhere, she may start to think of haraam things. And indeed the Shaytaan will use her sexual frustration and exploit it in any possible way. O husbands, realise that by you continuously refusing her call, you could damage her chastity. How sad that she dies of thirst while water was available to her! Just because the Angels do not curse you for not responding to her call to bed, it does not mean you can take the matter lightly. If you want her to respond to your call, then lead by example and respond to her call.
Also, If you expect her to give up what she is doing and come to you for intimacy, then know that her mind will not be on the act, and her sole intention is just to quickly get the act over and done with and then rush back to her chores, which will now take even longer due to her having to do ghusl. And this may cause stress to her, and you! So instead of this downhill slope which has many negative knock-on effects, take into consideration that she may be busy or not in the mood for intimacy.
I will give advice about intimacy in three phases; before intimacy, during intimacy and after intimacy.
Before Intimacy: Know that it is from good manners to dress up for your wife. Ibn Abbaas said: “I love to beautify myself for the wife in the same way that I love for her to beautify herself for me because Allaah said, ‘And they have rights similar to those over them according to what is reasonable.’ [2:228].” [Tafseer Ibn Katheer]
It is a shame how some brothers desire their wives to be in perfect shape and to always look good yet show no concern to their wife’s physical desires. If your wife sees that you are taking care to look after yourself and look appealing to her, then this will naturally make her do the same. Is it logical that you wish your wife to be slim and in shape while you are out of shape and unhealthy?