Do Not Use Quraan And Hadeeth To Establish Your Authority


It is very common for Muslim men to pointedly remind their wives about the Quraanic verses and hadeeths that declare their superiority and special rights over her, especially in the first few days after marriage. The most common reminders are (1) that the husband has the right to take up to our wives without his wife’s consent; (2) if prostration were permissible to anyone other than Allaah (swt), the Muslim woman would have been commanded to prostrate to her husband; (3) the husband has the exclusive right to verbally issue a divorce; and (4) he can call her for sexual intimacy at any inopportune time, or restrain her movement outside the house, or even stop her from visiting her close relatives.

The new bride might be callously reminded of these facets of her husband’s superiority the minute she admits to missing her family or asks for a visit to her parent’s home…

What impact doe this action – of reminding your wife of your superior rights or ruthlessly exercising them to proactively establish unilateral control – have on the innocent and well meaning Muslim girl who has come to your house? What will she think of you if you say and do such things to her?

In addition, what does such a behaviour on your part imply about you as a person? Definitely that you, as a man, are insecure, and that you are using your Islaamic rights in a feeble attempt to establish authority over her.

A man who is self-confident and righteous will never use this inappropriate method to try to control and dominate his wife. He is not insecure as her husband and does not think that the only way to ‘have her all to him’ is to trap her in his house, making her serve him all day like a personal valet.

Therefore a good Muslim husband should never remind his wife of his higher status, unless she persistently disobeys him or does actions that r forbidden by Allaah (swt). The bes way to make her obey is to let her have everything she wants – everything allowed by Islaam that is – and to focus on giving her, her rights, over and above what she deserves. She will then automatically become the devoted faithful and obedient wife that you want her to be.

[Traversing The Highs And Lows Of Muslim Marriage, by Sadaf Farooqi, Pp. 69-70]

3 Responses to “Do Not Use Quraan And Hadeeth To Establish Your Authority”

  1. Assalamalaykum

    A question for the author, did you really got married or was it just a lie? Asking bcz ur posts from end of 2012 states that you were wishing that u were married!!! Baffled really!

    • Wa alaykum assalaam,

      I done my nikah long time ago, but due to my current location, its quite complicated.

      And lol, even if a guy had 3 wives, he wud wish he had a forth -)

      Btw I know its u Moin, stop stalking me -) uhibbuk fillaah. Jannah inshaaAllaah.

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