Archive for the Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff Category

Joke: The Three Rings Of Marriage

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Marriage with tags , , , , , , , , on January 15, 2011 by TheAuthenticBase

The Three Rings Of Marriage:

1) The engagement RING
2) The wedding RING
3) The suffeRING

lol…

A Dialogue Between A Scholar And An Alcoholic

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Inspirational Stories, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , on December 31, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Alcoholic: “Do you think I am doing wrong by eating a date?”

Scholar: “No.”

Alcoholic: “And if I ate with it some Grass?”

Scholar: “There is nothing wrong with that.”

Alcoholic: “And if I was to wash them down with water?”

Scholar: “Drink and enjoy.”

Alcoholic: “Since all of that is permissible, then why do you forbid us from alcohol, which consists of the above mentioned ingredients?”

Scholar: “If I poured water on top of you, would that hurt you?”

Alcoholic: “No it would not.”

Scholar: “And if I was to sprinkle some dirt in that, would you be hurt?”

Alcoholic: “That would not harm me.”

Scholat: “But if I were to mix water and dirt together and through a process make a large brick from those two elements, and then were I to throw that large brick at you, would you be hurt?”

Alcoholic: “That would kill me!”

Scholar: “The same goes for alcohol.”

[Taken from “Gems And Jewels”, p. ?]

Women Drivers

Posted in Brothers Base, Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Sisters Base with tags , , , , on December 11, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Women Drivers:

Warning: Contains music, so hit the mute button and enjoy the laugh…

lol.

No hard feelings in shaa Allaah…

How To Get That Perfect Wife

Posted in Brothers Base, Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Inspirational Stories, Marriage, Words Of Wisdom with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Khaalid Ibn Safwan saw a group in the masjid of Basrah, and he said, “What is this gathering?

He was told, “There is a woman who informs men about women who are available for marriage.

He went to her and said, “I want to marry a woman.

She said, “Describe her to me.

So he described her saying, “I want her to be a virgin who is wise like a married woman, or a married woman who is innocent like a virgin; she should be sweet when she is near, splendid when she is at a distance, she should have lived a life of luxury and then became afflicted with poverty – so she has the manners of the rich and the humility of the poor. When we gather wealth, we should be as the people of the world, and when we become poor, we should be as the people of the hereafter.

She said, “I know of such a woman for you.

He said, “And where is she?

She replied, “In Paradise! So work hard to achieve her!

[Taken from ‘Gems And Jewels’ p. 23]

The Old Man And The “Hoor Al-Ayn”

Posted in Brothers Base, Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Inspirational Stories, Sisters Base with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Shaikh Muhammad al-Arifi’ says;

He (a poor man) went on making tawaaf around the Ka’aba saying “Oh Allah forgive us and tajaawaz anna (??)” And so the poor man was supplicating. [Eventually] He became very hot and had a heat stroke and collapsed on the ground.

So they (people) picked him up and took him to the Ajyaad Hospital, opposite the Haram. They put him in the hospital – cool was the place with a white bed and bed cover and cool moist air was blown onto him.

After 4-5 hours, he awoke. Upon waking up, he turned right and left only to find the room all white. He looked to the bed cover, mattress and bed only to find that they [too] where white. The poor man smelt the smell [in the room] – and of course it was the smell of dettol – but it was better than his smell, and the smell pleased him.

So he assumed that he was in Jannah! (Paradise) [To which] he exclaimed: “Allahu Akbar! Ash-hadu anna wa’ad Allahi hakun! Al JANNAH! Al Jannah! (Allah is the greatest! I bear witness that Allah’s promise is true! Al Jannah! Al Jannah!”)

He then turned to his right and found 5 Filippino nurses [standing there]. When he saw them wearing all white, he said: “Allahu Akbar! Al hoor al ayn! Al hoor al ayn! Al hoor al ayn!” [the women of Paradise]

The nurses didn’t understand what this man was saying. So they assumed that he was crazy. [This man then] tried to get out of his bed, he took the bed cover [off him] and threw it down, to get to the “Hoor Al Ayn”.

The nurses rushed towards him to hold him. So he told them, “No, one by one, one by one!” So the poor man thought he was [in Jannah/Paradise] with the Hoor Al Ayn!

Baby Laughing – Must Watch!

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Baby Laughing – Must Watch!

Lol, just for some fun:

You can watch the full video here (it’s about 3 mins in total)

Kid Impression Os Saalem Al-Amry!

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Kid Impression Os Saalem Al-Amry!

Security Loophole – Please See

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Security Loophole – Please See

A serious loophole in the system which allows you to see your detail on line:

http://www.scrolllock.nl/passport/home.htm

FYI: The UK is classified as England.

Amazing Answer By Ahmad Deedat, Why The Veil?

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Killing The Fitna, Miscellaneous, Sisters Base, Words Of Wisdom with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Amazing Answer By Ahmad Deedat, Why The Veil?

*LOWER YOUR GAZE, AS THE QUESTIONER IS A WOMAN*

Funny Responses From Shaykh Mutlaq

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Funny Responses From Shaykh Mutlaq

Someone called Shaykh Mutlaq asking him:
Is it allowed to eat the meat of penguin.

The Shaykh answered him:
If you found it! eat it!

…………………………………

A Man called him:
Shaykh, I have divorced my wife in a situation of anger! how can I return her back?

The Shaykh said:
O brother! all of those who divorced their women did so while they were in a situation of anger. Have you ever seen someone divorcing his wife while he is eating seeds (well he means something like sunflower seeds to present the carefree and relaxing mood someone can be while eating them lol)

……………………………….

Another caller asked him:
O Shaikh, I enter the toilet having my mobile phone and the whole Quran is stored on it, is that allowed?

Shaikh: Yes, there is nothing wrong with that.
Caller: But Shaikh!!! the Quran is saved there! how come??!!
Shaikh: O borther! its okay, its only saved the memory of the phone.
Caller: Shaikh!! THIS IS THE QURAN!!! HOW CAN IT BE IN THE TOILET???
Shaikh: Do you memorize any of the quran?
Caller: Yea, I memorized many of it.
Shaikh: Okay then. Whenever you wanna enter the toilet, leave your brain outside!

Source

Shaykh Abdullah Al-Mutlaq Makes Du’aa For A Woman Who Needs A Husband

Posted in Halal & Islamic Funny Stuff, Inspirational Stories, Sisters Base with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 11, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

Shaykh Abdullah Al-Mutlaq Makes Du’aa For A Woman Who Needs A Husband

In question answer program, a woman called Sheikh Abdullah Almutlaq and asked him a question. And after he gave her the answer, she asked him to pray to Allah that she is bless with Sheikh Mohammad Al-Arifi as her husband. Sheikh Almutlaq replied to her saying do you want Sheikh Alarifi for his good looks or knowledge? She answered for his knowledge. Sheikh Almutlaq replied to her that Sheikh Saleh Alsadlan was more knowledgeable than him, I will pray to Allah that you be blessed with him as a husband.


Mohammad Alarifi


Al-Sadlan

Source