5 Secrets of a Successful Muslim Husband
A successful Muslim husband isn’t:
1. A Muslim husband is not stingy when it comes to money and he spends freely on his wife and children. “The best charity is that which comes from one when he is wealthy and begins with those whom you are responsible to support.” (Bukhari).
A Successful Muslim Husband is:
2. A good Muslim husband helps his wife out around the house with the household chores.
Many husbands believe that housework is only for women and think that it’s beneath them to help their wives with the household chores. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, when a wife sees that her husband takes the responsibility to help her with the housework, she grows in admiration and respect for him and can’t help but want to do as much as she can to please him. This doesn’t mean that a husband should be expected to work all day long and then come home and cook and clean and do the laundry while his wife has been home all day doing nothing. However, there is nothing wrong with him giving a helping hand to his wife whenever it is needed or in him taking care of his own needs –such as mending his own clothes, especially and particularly, if his wife is busy with the children or with other tasks, or is sick, pregnant or just needs a break from the work in the house. “He (Muhammad) used to tend to the work of his family.” (Bukhari).
3. A Muslim husband accepts his wife’s inconsistencies and her faults and he doesn’t try to make her personality like his, because to do so would break her spirit.
Too often, men try to mold women’s personalities into their own image. This is a mistake that often leads to resentment and anger on the woman’s part. It is also dangerous because it erodes her self- esteem and destroys her individuality. Instead, he should be tolerant and respect her unique feminine nature. If there is an element of her personality that he dislikes, it is on him to change himself or his outlook but he should not try to change her personality. This, however, does not apply to religious issues such as hijab, salat, obedience to the husband or other issues that have been made incumbent on her by the Shariah.
“No male believer is to hate a female believer. If he hates a trait in her then let him be pleased with another trait.” (Muslim).
“Woman is like a rib: If you try to straighten it out you will break it.” (Al-Bukhari/Muslim).
“Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib. The part of it that is most bent is the top. If you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain bent. So treat women kindly.” (Bukhari/Muslim).
4. A good Muslim husband doesn’t tell his bedroom secrets. “The most evil of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment will be a man who was intimate with his wife and then went and told others about her secrets.” (Muslim).
5. A good Muslim husband doesn’t neglect his appearance and he keeps himself physically fit.
It is not only an obligation on the Muslim woman to keep herself looking and smelling good for her husband, but it is also an obligation on the husband as well to set the example and keep himself looking good for his wife. In fact, I believe that in most cases it is the husband who sets the tone in the house in this area because if his wife sees that her husband is going to a lot of extra trouble to keep himself looking good, then more than likely she will also try to keep herself looking good for him. In this way both of them are complementing each other and this helps to keep their marriage fresh and alive. He should also exercise regularly and not allow himself to become over-weight and out of shape. At home, he should dress neatly, make sure that his hair is combed and that his general appearance is clean.
“Whoever has hair let him look after it properly.” (Abu Dawud – Allaahu ‘alam of the authenticity of this hadith)
“If it were not for the fact that I did not want to overburden my Ummah, I would have ordered them to use the siwak before every prayer.” (Bukhari/Muslim).
“O children of Adam! Wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place….” (Quran 7: 31-32).