Archive for intimate

The Importance of Foreplay, By Ibn Qudaamah

Posted in Marriage with tags , , , , , , , on November 27, 2013 by TheAuthenticBase

Many husbands do not understand the importance of foreplay and tend to be intimate with their wives without fulfiling their wives’ desires to the full. This can cause much harm to the wife, and as a knock on effect, to the marriage as well.

Ibn Qudaamah said:

“It is recommended for the man to caress and fondle his wife prior to intercourse in order to arouse her so that she would get as much pleasure from intercourse as he does…

And if he climaxes before her, it would be disliked for him to pull out until she climaxes… because that would otherwise cause her harm and prevent her from fulfilling her desires.”

[Al-Mughnee, 8/136]

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A Story & Lesson From The Life Of ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab

Posted in Inspirational Stories with tags , , , , , , , , on November 8, 2013 by TheAuthenticBase

Ash-Sha’bee related that one day Ka’ab Ibn Siwaar was sitting in the company of ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab (ra) when a woman came and said: “O leader of the believers, I have never seen any man who is better than my husband. By Allaah, during the night he stands to pray, and during the day he fasts. Even on hot days he does not break his fast. (1)” ‘Umar then prayed for her forgiveness, and he praised her, saying: “It is only befitting that I should praise one such as you.” The woman then felt shy (3) and so she stood up to leave. (4)

Ka’ab said: “O leader of the believers, should you not have helped her resolve her problem with her husband?” ‘Umar said: “And what was her complaint?” Ka’ab said: “She is making a strong complaint against her husband.” ‘Umar said: “Is that really what she wanted to convey to me?” Ka’ab said: “Yes.”

So ‘Umar said: “Bring the woman back to me.” When she returned, ‘Umar said, “It is permitted for you to speak the truth. Verily this man claims that you are complaining about your husband, and that your complaint is that he stays away from your bed.”

She said: “Yes. Verily, I am a young woman and I desire what all women desire.”

‘Umar then sent for her husband, and when he came, ‘Umar said to Ka’ab, “Render a judgement in their case.”

Ka’ab said: “The leader of the believers has more of a right to render a judgement in their case.” (5)

‘Umar said: “I insist that you judge before them, for indeed, you have understood from their affair that which I was not able to understand.”

Ka’ab said: “Verily, suppose that she had three co-wives and that she was the fourth wife. In that case, she would have had the right to one out of every four nights. Therefore, my judgement is that he may dedicate himself to worship for three days and nights and that every fourth day she has a right over him both during the day and during the night.”

‘Umar said: “By Allaah, I am just as amazed by this judgement of yours as I was by your initial ability to detect a problem. Go, for you are now the Judge of Basrah.”

[Mawsoo’ah Fiqh ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab, p. 723]

Lessons learned:

1) ‘Umar was such that anyone could approach him and ask him a question or request a need of theirs. As busy as he was, he never neglected even the most “minor” of cases. Likewise he was easily accessible to the general population of Muslims, as anyone could easily approach him without having to get an appointment or go through many guards.

2) Women also have sexual desires as men do. It is not immoral of a woman if she has a strong urge for intimacy, as this is the way Allaah has created her. Even women form the Salaf had strong desires for intimacy. So it is not surprising, nor does it contradict piety or shyness if someone has a wife who has a very strong urge for intimacy.

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Advice For Sisters Regarding Intimacy

Posted in Marriage, Sisters Base with tags , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2013 by TheAuthenticBase

“Never underestimate what a simple stroke, a gentle rub, or a soft kiss can do.”

Introduction: Biologically, men and women are both created with a need to fulfil their sexual desires, but one needs to understand that there is a difference in the need for men and women.

In all wisdom, Allah created men with an urge much stronger than women. Men are very visual by nature. Depending on where he lives, a man may build a physiological need for sex, about every 72 hours on average and longer for men who live further away from fitnah. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, we are constantly surrounded by temptation – there is not a day that goes by that you do not stumble upon something of a sexual nature which makes men vulnerable to the calling of women.

When a man constantly feels a strong need for release, it is very hard for him to focus on the other very important aspects of intimacy like sweet words and foreplay, which are needed for a woman to feel sexually desirable.

Men are not to be blamed for their being very sexual by nature. It is just how Allah, in pure wisdom, created them.

A look, a touch, a feminine figure, words can all cause a man to feel a strong urge to release himself. And just like women, a man wants to feel desired. If you show him that you do not enjoy it, he starts to think you don’t love him and this causes him a great deal of stress. Intimacy is an act that releases a lot of stress from the man. When a man is stressed out, the best way for him to feel relaxed and forget all that which is on his mind, is for him to be intimate.

Delaying coming to him may anger him and can turn a pleasurable act to be a very stressful experience. During intimacy a man is at his peak of excitement, any sign of lack of enjoyment by the wife can be very dissatisfying and can cause anger within the husband. This dissatisfaction and anger, however, can reach heights as it is anger which manifests itself at a time when one is trying his hardest to enjoy a pleasurable act. So a smart wife realises this and avoids all the things which turns pleasure into distress.

I have split the causes of anger into three phases; before intimacy, during intimacy and after intimacy.

Before Intimacy: The narrations below are a clear sign that a woman is obliged to respond to the man’s call for intimacy without slackness. And there is much wisdom in this. The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said: “When a man calls his wife to him, then let her respond, even if she is at the oven (baking bread).“ [Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi]

Delaying in responding to his call can cause the man stress. As stated above, being intimate is a means of expressing love and desire. Its a way of saying “I love you.” If the wife delays in responding, she is indirectly showing him that he is not so important and this also shows a lack of concern for his feelings. A man loves to give his wife pleasure through intimacy, and delaying coming to him is an indirect way of telling him he is not good at being intimate. At times he may not be so good at it, but delaying intimacy with him is not a solution to your problem. As a matter of fact, it makes it worse. Insulting a man about his ability to sexually satisfy his wife is from the biggest insults to his manhood.

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Advice For Brothers Regarding Intimacy

Posted in Brothers Base, Marriage with tags , , , , , on August 26, 2013 by TheAuthenticBase

“Women also have desires, emotional and physical. It is not immoral of her to ask for intimacy, it is only her innate nature.”

Introduction: Realize that women also have sexual desires. Although their main desire is emotional, they also have that sexual urge. Don’t ignore this as it could cause her harm. She is not immoral if she asks you for intimacy. Nor is she immoral if its continuous, it just means she has a strong urge for it, and this is the way she is. One of the purposes of marriage is to save ourselves from fitnah. And if you are not responding to her call, then this could cause her major problems. Indeed it could be that by you continuously refusing her call, not only would you damage her, but you could cause her to think of doing the haraam.  So, due to the “boil up” of desire within her, she could start to think about haraam acts. If she has this huge build up of desire which has no halaal avenue, then, when a good looking guy walks past her on the streets or elsewhere, she may start to think of haraam things. And indeed the Shaytaan will use her sexual frustration and exploit it in any possible way. O husbands, realise that by you continuously refusing her call, you could damage her chastity. How sad that she dies of thirst while water was available to her! Just because the Angels do not curse you for not responding to her call to bed, it does not mean you can take the matter lightly. If you want her to respond to your call, then lead by example and respond to her call.

Also, If you expect her to give up what she is doing and come to you for intimacy, then know that her mind will not be on the act, and her sole intention is just to quickly get the act over and done with and then rush back to her chores, which will now take even longer due to her having to do ghusl. And this may cause stress to her, and you! So instead of this downhill slope which has many negative knock-on effects, take into consideration that she may be busy or not in the mood for intimacy.

I will give advice about intimacy in three phases; before intimacy, during intimacy and after intimacy.

Before Intimacy: Know that it is from good manners to dress up for your wife. Ibn Abbaas said: “I love to beautify myself for the wife in the same way that I love for her to beautify herself for me because Allaah said, ‘And they have rights similar to those over them according to what is reasonable.’ [2:228].” [Tafseer Ibn Katheer]

It is a shame how some brothers desire their wives to be in perfect shape and to always look good yet show no concern to their wife’s physical desires. If your wife sees that you are taking care to look after yourself and look appealing to her, then this will naturally make her do the same. Is it logical that you wish your wife to be slim and in shape while you are out of shape and unhealthy?

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Like A Garment E-Book (With Q&A), By Yaasir Qaadhi

Posted in Books (pdf's, html's & doc's), Marriage with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2011 by TheAuthenticBase

Click here to download the book.

Click here to download the Q&A book.

NOTE: The Q&A book answers questions related to intimacy (so for mature bro’s and sis’ only).

And for a further read by Yaasir Qaadhi on this topic please refer to his article here.

O’ Single Muslim, A Poem Dedicated To You!

Posted in Adab (Manners), Brothers Base, Marriage, Sisters Base with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

O’ Single Muslim, A Poem Dedicated To You!

Y’all know u wana listne to this!

60 Ways To Keep Your Husband’s Love

Posted in Adab (Manners), Killing The Fitna, Marriage, Sisters Base with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2010 by TheAuthenticBase

60 Ways To Keep Your Husband’s Love

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife!

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Smell good!

4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

5. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”

6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta’ala gives you something really to complain about.

7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
1. Mediate any injustice done so any wrong can be corrected and the couple can reunite in harmony, or
2. Amicable divorce

8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights

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