A Few Requirements Of Faith Which We All Should Know

Ibn Taymiyyah said:

“The declaration of faith, ‘There is none worthy of worship except Allaah’, requires you to love  only for the sake of Allaah, to hate only for the sake of Allaah, to ally yourself only for the sake of Allaah, to declare enmity only for the sake of Allaah. It requires you to love what Allaah loves and to hate what Allaah hates.

It also requires you to ally yourself to the Muslims wherever you find them and to oppose the disbelievers, even if they are your closest kin.”

[Al-Ihtijaj Bil-Qadr, p.62]

True Knowledge Is What Leads To The Fear Of Allaah

Allaah says:

“… It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allaah…” [35:28]

Ibn Katheer said:

“The only ones who truly fear Allaah are the scholars – those who are knowledgeable about Him. This is because every time one’s knowledge and awareness of The Most Great, The All-Able, The All-Knowing, The One ascribed with Perfect Attributes and described by Perfect Names becomes complete and whole, one’s fear of Him becomes greater and increased.” [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/553]

Al-Bayhaqee said:

“Allaah clarifies that (true) fear of Him can only be achieved through knowledge.” [Shu’ab Al-Eemaan, 5/323]

A man said to Ash-Sha’abee:

“Who is a scholar?”

He replied:

“The scholar is the one who has fear of Allaah.”

‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood said:

“Knowledge is sufficiency for the fear of Allaah and ignorance is a sufficiency for delusion and being mislead.” [Az-Zuhd of Ibn Mubaarak, p.15]

‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood also said:

“Knowledge is not obtaining an abundance of hadeeth, but rather knowledge is obtaining khashyah (fear of Allaah).” [Al-Hilyah, 1/131]

‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood said:

“It is sufficient amount of knowledge for a person that he has fear of Allaah and it is sufficient amount of ignorance for a person that he is amazed by his knowledge.” [Ad-Daarimee, 1/346]

‘Abdul A’laa At-Taymee said:

“Whoever is given knowledge and it does not cause him to weep, then it is appropriate (to say) that he has not been given knowledge that benefits him…” [Ad-Daarimee, 299]

‘Abdullaah Ibn AhmAd Ibn Hanbal said to his father:

“Did Ma’roof have any knowledge?”

Imaam Ahmad replied:

“My son, he had the basis of all knowledge and that is the fear of Allaah.” [Siyar Al-A’laam An-Nubulaa’, 1/339]

Hudhaifah (ra) said:

It is sufficient knowledge for a man that he fears Allaah. And it is a sufficient lie that he says, ‘I seek forgiveness and repent to Him,‘ yet he goes back to doing it.” [Kitaab Al-‘Ilm, of An-Nisaa’ee #14]

Having The Love of Allaah In One’s Heart

If there is some weakness in a person’s faith, that weakens his love for Allaah. The love of this world becomes stronger in his heart and takes over until there is no room left for love of Allaah, except for the smallest trace, which has no apparent effect in counteracting the nafs or in restraining it from committing sin or urging it to do acts of obedience.

So the person indulges his desires and commits sin, and darkness of sin piles up in his heart and keeps on covering up what light of faith is present, although it is weak. When the stupor of death comes, the love of Allaah grows weaker in his heart because he sees that he is departing this world which is so dear to him. His love for this world is so great that he does not want to leave it and it hurts him to depart from it. Allaah sees that from him.

There is the fear that hatred may displace the love of Allaah in his heart, and that weak love may turn to hatred. If his soul departs at this moment of great danger, his end will be a bad one and he will be doomed for eternity.

The reason for this bad end is love of this world, being content with it and rejoicing in it, whilst also being weak in faith which means that one’s love for Allaah is weak. This is a chronic problem which may affect most people. If a person’s heart is overwhelmed with some worldly matter at the point of death, this is what will fill his heart and mind, leaving no room for anything else. If his soul departs at that point, his heart will be filled with that worldly matter and his face will be turned towards it, and that will form a barrier between him and his Lord.

[The Minor Resurrection, by ‘UMar Sulaymaan Al-Ashqar, p. 55]

A Letter To A Mujaahid’s Wife

“Dedicated to my princess.

You never once complained when you knew that we would have nothing. You were contempt on having only what little you needed. Where others would have left or moaned, you never once let out a sigh. You understood that what was written was what we would eat. I never once complained abut what was put in front of me as I knew it was your hands that brought it to me. When I had nothing I had you. You put your trust in your Rabb (Lord) and in turn you followed me.

Never did I have to wonder about you as my secrets, my honor and my deen were safe with you. We both know what hardships you faced just by being with me, but not a word did you speak. You were strong and in turn made me strong. Like a vanguard for this Ummah, you concealed yourself. Where others would rush to please their desires, you were the essence of taqwaa (piety).

Life was easy with you and it came so naturally. You were the extension of me and I would never need to finish my words, as who knew me better than you? You knew your place which was by my side. It is the little things that make the person and you would easily have kept me going for a lifetime. The way you would look at me with fire in your eyes showed me that I was the only one for you. You stole my heart and hid it away.

I loved your jealousy and I loved to tease you with the thought of others just so I could know how dear I was to you.

What chance did shaytaan have when you would ensure that fajr was the easiest of the salaahs. I loved that you would forsake me in an instant to fast a voluntary fast. I loved that the haqq (truth) was dearer to you than my life and those of our jewels.

Watching you makes me laugh as I wonder if my heart will ever want another as I se you feed my child, as you lift her out if the bath, as you wipe her little nose and the face she pulls. You will never find a diamond in te hands of another in the same way our diamond deserves to be carried in your hands. We could have it all my love, but who sells paradise for an hour of passing pleasure? No us.

Quotes From ‘Abdullaah ‘Azzaam

1) Work For Allaah

Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ‘Azzaam said:

“Work for Allaah and stick together, and the more you work for Allaah, the more your souls will become strong and rise, and you will ascend rapidly upon the path of those who are ascending towards Allaah.”

[At-Tarbiyyah Al-Jihaadiyyah Wal-Bina, 5/36]

2) Who Is Pleased With You?

Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ‘Azzaam said:

“If you see America or Russia or Britain or the criminals and tyrants in the Islamic world – if you see them pleased with someone, you should doubt this person’s Islam and his faith. Understood? This is because Allaah has set down a rule that does not change, and this rule says, “And the Jews and Christians will never be pleased with you until you follow their way.” [2:120] “

[Fee Dhilaal Soorah At-Tawbah, p.22]

3) The Hidden Punishment

Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ‘Azzaam said:

“It is a disaster that your heart dies without you noticing. It is as if you say, “O Lord! How often I rebel against You without You punishing me for it.” And He (swt) replies, “How often I punish you without you even noticing! Haven’t I removed the life from your heart?”

[[Fee Dhilaal Soorah At-Tawbah, p.223]

Greeting Your Husband Upon Entering Home

Oh sister, know that you will neither obtain lofty mannerisms nor a healthy marital life until you greet your husband like the greeting of the most gracious of hostesses to their guests. Be keen in rushing to welcome your husband upon entering the home with a warm embrace [as this shows you were looking forward to see him and hence makes him feel loved].

Kiss him with love and respect, a kiss of affection and enthusiastic desire. For this will cause him to have a strong bond with you, and in turn he will come to recognize your rights over him.

[Taken from “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, pp. 40-41]

10 Signs You Have No Al-Walaa Wal-Baraa, By Sh. Saalih Al-Fawzaan

1) Imitating them in dress and lingo

2) Residing in their lands and not moving from their lands to the lands of the Muslims to save one’s Deen (i.e, hijrah).

3) Travelling to the lands of the kuffaar for tourism and vacation.

4) Helping them, giving them victory over the Muslims, speaking well of them and defending their honour.

5) Seeking their aid, trusting them, putting them in positions to know the secrets of the Muslims and making them advisors.

6) Using their calendar instead of the Islaamic calendar and, more importantly, observing the holidays on their calendar, like Christmas etc.

7) Observing their holidays or helping them to make that celebration or congratulating them for their holidays or just being present at their celebrations.

8) Speaking well of them through what they have of material wealth and being satisfied with their behaviour without looking at their deen which is a false deen.

9) Using their names.

10) Supplicating for them and being compassionate to them.

[Taken from “Al-Walaa’ Wal-Baraa”, by Sh. Saalih Al-Fawzaan, Pp. ??-??]

Concise Advice To Husbands

[A short reminder to brothers inshaaAllaah. I tried to keep it short and to the point. This is just my advice from what I’ve read over the years on good treatment of women]

Written By TheAuthenticBase

1) Be Her Comforter

Know that a woman cries when she has no words to explain how she feels. Husbands, this is the time when she needs a hug (a non-sexual hug). A soft hug, wiping away her tears with your hands, and a little kiss on the forehead will help her a lot.

2) Be A Good Listener

Women need a man who can be her shoulder to lean on. Simply listen to her while she stumbles over her words while explaining her worries without necessarily providing instant solutions.

Sometimes they just need to tell you something without actually getting an instant solution. Be a good listener and learn to show an interest in what she’s saying (read #12 for more info on this).

The last thing you want is for her to be speaking to you while your mind is elsewhere, and then to have her ask you whether you’re paying attention to her or not. This will hurt her as she will think you do not pay any interest in her.  A woman wants her husband to be her best friend who she can speak to (read #5 for more info on this).

3) Never Walk Out Of An Argument

If the two of you argue, then never walk out of an argument leaving her crying, as this shows you have no concern for her feelings. Instead, be by her side, show her you care for her by taking her feeling into consideration (this is done by apologizing, not storming out of the house, and not behaving in a way that shows you do not care for her views or what she has to say). Acknowledge your mistake, and this will make it easy for her to acknowledge her mistake. A real man is he who can humble himself when he is angry.

Even if she was the root of the problem, still apologize for your error, even though you believe it was a triggered by her actions. If you do this, she will see how much you really care for her and how much you wish to rectify the problem. The more you love someone the more quicker you are to rush to apologizing and fixing the matter.

Women always give up their rights to keep the marriage intact, now it’s your turn. Show her how much the marriage means to you.

4) Respect Her Opinions

Respect her opinions when she advises you and learn to shower her with affection, as this will bring out the best in her. Ask her what she thinks of such and such decision you’re going to make, especially if it affects her as well.

As the man of the house, yes you make the final decision, but it doesn’t mean you don’t consult your wife in the decision making process. And don’t laugh or mock her opinions as this will kill her self-confidence. Moreover, it shows you have no consideration for her feelings, and women don’t like that. Hurting her emotionally is a killer. Women have soft hearts, so pay heed and learn to only say good and nice things.

5) Be Her Best Friend

A woman not only wants a man who is her husband, but she also wants you as her best friend. Someone she can share her secrets with. Someone who is by her side through the ups and downs of life. Show her she is close to you by sharing your joy with her; telling her of your secrets, your happy days, your sad days.

Do not be overly strict with her, and learn to have a sense of humor. Don’t be a boring husband; joke with her, tease her, play with her, but don’t overdo it such that she cannot even have a serious conversation with you when required.

And a part of being her best friend is to not choose your other friends over her. This nicely leads me to point 6.

6) Don’t Choose Your Friends Over Her

Try not to spend more time with your friends as compared to the time you spend with her. Even the time you do spend with her, make sure its quality time. Don’t look at the quantity (although this is also important) but also look at the quality of the time you spend with her. Do things together with her, go for a walk in the park together. Don’t have all your fun time with your friends, and then come home tired and thus ignore her for the rest of the day because you’re “tired”.

If something interesting happened to you during your day, first speak to her about it. Don’t let her feel as if you love your friends more than you love her. And a woman judges the level of love by how much quality time you spend with her and who you go to when you want to talk about something.

If something happened to you during the day, tell her. Share your experience with her, share you day with her, share your life with her. Don’t be a boring husband who doesn’t tell her how your day went. You’re her husband and she wants to bond with you, and one crucial way to do this is to have that emotional bond with her. If something interesting happened to you, then share it with her.

The last thing you want is for her to think you share all your jokes and day experiences with your friends and not with her. The last thing you want is for her to hear you speaking on the phone to your friend about a funny incident that happened during the day, and then when she asks you what happened, you ignore her and say “nothing”, treating her as a fly.

7) You’re Not Married To Your Computer

Linked to #6, I say, don’t be stuck on your laptop/phone all the time, especially when you’re with her. No doubt she will have patience with you, but a time will come when the bubble will burst. Don’t make her crave for your attention by spending hours chatting on the phone or on the computer. And even when that bubble does burst you have no right to say that at least you’re at home unlike other husbands. Yes, this does have an element of truth to it, but what companionship is there between the two of you if you are always online? If you have some important work to do on the computer, don’t rush to it as soon as you come back home from work. Spend some time with her before you go online. And during your time with her, don’t act and behave as if you’re in a rush to go online. We men cannot do two things at once, and the last thing you want is for her to speak to you and for you to respond with words which show you were obviously not listening. As I will mention in point #12, women need someone to talk to and you need to be a good listener.

How would you like I if she spends hours watching TV or on the phone or in the kitchen? It would upset you, so know it also upsets her when you choose the computer or phone over her.

Although at times, you may be required to sit on the computer for long hours due to heavy work, this is understandable, but let her know that it concerns you that you cannot spend quality time with her due to this, so at least now she knows you love her more than your computer.

8) Have Patience With Her During Her Mood Swings

During her monthly periods, your wife may act or behave in an abnormal way, swaying from emotion to emotion. She may be happy now and suddenly turn sad or angry with you the next. She may even accuse you of something you’re innocent of. She may even blow minor things out of proportion making them into major issues.

So have patience with her during her periods and realise she is not her normal self. Put up with her irrational behaviour and realize that trying to straighten a bent rib will only break it.

If you can put up with her during these mood swings she will see that in you and love you more (inshaaAllaah!).

9) Spice Up The Romance

Women desire romance. Many women complain of a boring husband who lacks giving her romance. Although she is a practising Muslimah, she is still a woman; and every woman desires a bit of romance to spice up her marriage. A simple flower can do a lot. Bring a flower home from work and when you enter the door, go down on one knee and give her the rose. Embarrassing? Don’t worry no one’s watching you. Or hide it under the sofa, and after dinner surprise her with the gift. Women like that surprised element as it adds a touch of excitement to it.

Decorate your bedroom with a vase and some tulips. Purchase some scented candles. Have a frame of a rose hung up. Buy a new set of bed sheets and duvet cover and both of you (together) decide on a new set, but let her choose the one she likes. Even if its pink and red decorated with flowers, purchase it. Mind you, the more she likes the bed, the longer she’ll like to stay in bed with you!

Purchasing all these small things may seem odd or silly to some brothers, but every woman loves romance. The color of the wallpaper, the design on the curtains, let it be her choice.

Even sending her a text message from work telling her you love her, or buying a love heart candle (if such a thing exist) can do wonders.

By being romantic with her, teasing her, flirting with her etc. you will bring out the best in her. If you complain that your wife is boring, lacks excitement, isn’t as cheeky and sweet as you expect, then know that her character is shaped by the way you treat her.

Be romantic with her before you be intimate with her, don’t just pounce on her without foreplay. Dress up and look good before you be intimate with her. But more of this under #14, 15 & 16.

If you come to know that she watches romantic / love movies, or reads love stories, then blame no one but yourself for not providing her with the romance she wants.

10) Buy Her Gifts & Don’t Put A Price On Her Happiness

With romance comes gifts. By purchasing your wife a gift, you’re showing her you were thinking of her during the day. It doesn’t have to be something huge, even a small gift will brighten up her day. Whether its flowers, chocolate box, candles, or any other lovely romantic gift you can buy from card shops. With women, it’s the thought that counts, so purchase her a gift every once in a while.

As explained above in point #9, try hiding it somewhere, and on your way to work text/ring her and ask her to look in such and such place. You could even play a little game where you have two or three sticky notes, each one pointing to the other until she finally goes to the gift. Though this would require some thorough thought for a few days, but inshaaAllaah the outcome will be wonderful! And no doubt when you come home you’ll have a huge meal and an enjoyable time in bed!

11) Hugs And Kisses

Apparently women like those cosy hugs. Give her plenty of hugs, and not just when you want to be intimate with her. She needs that non-sexual hug, and it could help her to ease her tension. Although your sexual urge is high, it is not as high as hers. Sometimes she just wants a hug, so know this well.

Just as intimacy is a way for a man to get his mind stress free, likewise a soft hug can be a way for a wife to get the headache and tension off of her. It shows her she has a man by her side, someone who is there for her someone who cares for her.

12) Women Need Someone To Talk To

Women are more emotional than men. During your 9-5 working day she’s been locked within the home surrounded by four walls. Something may have happened to her during the day which she is excited to tell you about. So when she is talking to you about her day, show a genuine interest in what she says.

Women need someone to talk to, someone to ask them how their day went. Understand her emotional needs. Either you ask her how her day went and spend quality time with her, or she speaks to someone else about it. What would you like?

Sometimes she may speak about the most minor thing like how someone pushed in front of her in the queue, or how someone never replied to her salam in the masjid.

Realize that she hasn’t spoken to anyone and the fact that she’s sharing this with you means she loves you. She’s probably been waiting all day for you to come home to tell you this, so show an interest. Smile as she speaks, don’t change the subject so quickly, don’t cut her off half way through her speaking, and maybe even bring it up again after an hour or so. All this shows you took a genuine interest in what she had to say.

Remember, women are more emotional than men. If you want her to love you, then realize her emotional needs.

13) Do The Household Chores

Know that when the Prophet (saw) was at home he was at the service of his family. Washing the dishes, doing the hoover, putting the clothes on the washing line outside, cleaning the table after a meal, looking after the kids… all these things, although ‘minor’ chores, will be well appreciated by your wife. See #18 for more info.

Do not think you will be lowered in her sight, or that she will show you less respect if she sees you doing the dishes or any other household chore. No doubt, you helping your wife with her chores will only increase the love and respect she has for you.

And this should be more so implemented when your wife is unwell.

14) Dress Up For Your Wife

Know that it is from good manners to dress up for your wife. Ibn Abbaas said: “I love to beautify myself for the wife in the same way that I love for her to beautify herself for me because Allaah said, ‘And they have rights similar to those over them according to what is reasonable.’ [2:228].”

It is a shame how some brothers desire their wives to be in perfect shape and to always look good yet show no concern to their wife’s physical desires.

If your wife sees that you are taking care to look after yourself and look appealing to her, the this will naturally make her do the same. Is it logical that you wish your wife to be slim and in shape while you are out of shape and unhealthy?

You desire to be intimate with your wife and expect her to always be ready for you, yet no woman would like to be intimate with a man who has his hair unkempt, smelling like fish, and dressed as if he just came back from the battlefield! Dress up for your wife and make her be attracted to you physically and emotionally.

Why is it that when you go out to work or to visit a friend, you make sure you look good and presentable, yet when you’re at home, you take none of this into consideration?

15) Women Also Have Sexual Desires

Realize that women also have sexual desires. Although their main desire is emotional, they also have that sexual urge. Don’t ignore this as it could cause her harm. She is not immoral if she asks you for intimacy.

Likewise, do not leave her once you have finished your desire with her. Let her finish as well. Just as you would not like her to leave you during the act, don’t leave her.

Also, during intimacy she may like a specific way or a specific approach. Take this into consideration. Allow her to investigate and explore other methods, and don’t force your way upon her all the time. If she asks for intimacy, allow her to approach you and enjoy you in the manner she likes. Even if her way is not as enjoyable to you, do not speak against it showing your dislike for it. Leave her be and let her enjoy it the way she likes.

Intimacy is not just about you fulfilling your desire, it’s also about her.

Also, don’t force anything upon her which she is not comfortable with. She is a fragile vessel so treat her with kindness and softness even in these delicate areas/topics.

And lastly, don’t pounce on her like a bull. Know how to create that romantic atmosphere. Don’t just pounce on her and fulfil your desire in an impatient way without first arousing her desire as well. Send the messenger, and the messenger is a kiss. Get her excited for it as well before the act. One way this is done by being romantic with her (see #9 for more info on this point). A gentle stroke, sweet words, a kiss, a soft cuddle etc.

Remember that women are emotional beings, so arouse her desire by sweet and affectionate words. By getting her in the mood for intimacy, not only will she will enjoy it more but so will you.

If you realise that your wife is slow to respond to your call to bed then wonder why. Do you arouse her before intimacy? Do you make her love for it and crave  it? If not, then blame yourself for making your wife slow to respond to your call.

When a woman is excited and aroused for intimacy, then fluids seep through her vaginal walls producing lubrication making a smoother passageway. Likewise the upper two-thirds of the vagina expands in a “ballooning” response in which the cervix and the uterus pull up, preparing to accommodate the males circumcised organ during sexual intercourse.

In short, by being romantic with her, teasing her, flirting with her, then you get her excited through which her body goes through slight changes (as said in the above paragraph) which make intercourse more pleasurable for both, the wife and the husband.

16) Don’t Be Cruel During Intimacy

Linked to the above, many men make the mistake of being cruel with their wives on the first night. Just because it is not forbidden to be intimate on the first night, it does not mean you force yourself upon her. Anger generates within her and she could have some hatred for you due to this forced act.

Yes, there may be some who would enjoy it and desire it on the first night, but I am referring to those who force their wives to be intimate and do not use a soft approach during the act. If she is not comfortable with it, leave it. Never force her to do anything she does not wish to, as this may cause her to have some hatred towards you.

Breaking a woman’s virginity can be very painful, so be gentle. If she is not in the mood for intimacy on the first night, then ignore it. You’ve been patient for all the years you were single so a few more patience will not kill you. If you sense she is not ready on the first night then there is no need to force your way in, instead just shower her with kisses and as time goes on, she will be ready.

Although she is your wife, remember that she is also someone’s daughter / sister. She grew up in a house and has now moved far from her parents love to live with you in a strange house. Be soft with her. And for the third time, never make her do something she does not wish to.

17) Complement Your Wife

Never forget to compliment you wife. Women love compliments. Try to keep them real and don’t overdo them as this could kill it. Praise her in front of her family members. Acknowledge all she does for you and enjoy her as she’s your halaal avenue.

If she buys a new dress or lingerie, tell her she looks good in it. Women love to look pretty and sexy. It’s in their nature. But don’t just say she looks good, but let it be known to her that her beauty turns you on and gets you excited.

Women love to get their husband’s sexually excited and it makes then know that they are pretty and beautiful. If she knows her husband is sexually attracted to her, it makes her feel relaxed, it eases her mind, it makes her feel good on the inside. Indeed she will feel as if she is on cloud nine.

Likewise, when you visit her parent’s house, praise her good character in front of her mother and father, expressing your happiness with her, and inshaaAllaah this will bring joy to her heart.

18) Appreciate All She Does

Appreciate all your wife does for you. While you’re out the house working, she’s in the house cleaning and looking after your kids, making sure the house is spotless. She is a blessing and don’t be like those who only realize a blessing once it is taken away from them.

Believe it or not, a woman works tirelessly around the house, so appreciate her work and once in a while give her a break. Whether this is done by you doing the housework or by taking her out for a meal. Being a wife, mother, home-maker isn’t easy. See #13 for more info.

Imagine coming home only to see the dishes all piled up, no clean plate for your meal, no clean cup for a drink; imagine waking up and having no clean shirt for work, or a shirt not ironed; imagine the clothes being left on the washing line outside in the rain, the sticky stains of orange juice still on the kitchen table. The list can go on. Women work hard around the house, and sadly this is usually not taken into consideration by many husbands.

So appreciate all she does for you. Even a simple kiss on the forehead and a thank you will have her smiling, knowing that you value all she does for you.

19) Expect And Respect Her Jealousy

If your wife is jealous over you, it means she loves you more than you can imagine. Just as you would expect her not to cross the limits of your gheerah (jealousy), then likewise do not overstep the limits of her jealousy.

Do not get angry at her if she tells you to change this or that habit, or if she tells you not to speak so softly while at the till to the female cashier. Respect her jealousy by doing what she says and don’t brush her feelings away.

Women dislike it when you expect them to stay within the limits of your boundaries, yet you do not do the same for her, especially if you end up arguing over things she does which to be honest are quit “minor” compared to her boundaries you cross.

20) Keep unnecessary Jealousy In Check

Although jealousy is a praiseworthy characteristic, there is a difference between jealousy and accusations. Never accuse your wife regarding her chastity, as it is a major sin to accuse a chaste Muslimah.

The fact is that there are many men out there who have no respect for other men’s gheerah. Sometimes a man may speak to her even though she is avoiding him, whether this be in the market, the bus or elsewhere. I am not saying that do not get jealous even in these scenarios (where you wife is trying her best to dodge guys), as jealousy is something we men cannot control, but you should realise the difference between your wife overstepping your boundary intentionally and when she is sinless and innocent.

Having jealousy over your wife is something which every Muslim man should possess and is a praiseworthy characteristic, but don’t end up slandering her. Would you accuse her of immorality while her father was present? If not, then know that Allaah is watching over you, and He deserves you fear Him more.

How heart breaking it would be for her, if she does everything you tell her, yet you still accuse her of immorality!

21) Her Random Tears

Sometimes you may see her crying for no reason. She may feel upset or shed a tear when you don’t expect it. Brothers, this is the time she really needs a man by her side. Ignoring her when she’s emotionally upset, will only make her feel lonely and feel less loved, nay it may even make her turn to others for support. So immediately leave off all you’re doing, give her your attention and ask her what the matter is, ask her how she is. If she says she’s fine, she probably means she’s not. When a woman cries and says she’s fine, it means she wants a hug and someone to tell her “I know you’re not”.

Women are very emotional, learn to see through her “outer shell” and try to understand her emotional drive. One of the biggest lies a woman can tell you is she’s fine. As a husband, you should be able to look at her face and know something is wrong.

22) Call Her Sweet Names

Don’t forget to call you wife sweet and loving names. As the saying goes, a man falls in love through his eyes and a woman falls in love through her ears.

By calling her sweet names, you’re indirectly letting her know you love her. And this needs to be constant. Just because you called her with a sweet name yesterday it does not mean that is enough for the rest of the month. So keep up with it, but too much such that it loses its effect.

Women like to hear nice and sweet words; word of affection and love. And a part of this is to call her with the sweetest of names. Those that are special to her. Honey, sweetheart, princess etc. And it is the most evil of characteristics to swear or use bad language with her. Fear Allaah with regards to how you treat her. O my brother, fear Allaah! Women are soft creatures, and they respond beautifully to soft speech. As mentioned time and time again, women are much more emotional than us men, so take this into consideration.

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[Btw will continue to add stuff on this article whenever something new comes to mind inshaaAllaah so keep an eye out for more tips – Last updated: 17/12/13 – 16:00]

I have also uploaded this in a word document and a pdf file to download. Click here to download the word document, and click here to download it as a pdf book. Alhumdulillaah my first book!

When Advising Others

‘Abbaad Ibn ‘Abbaad Al-Khawwaas Ash-Shaamee (d.114h) said:

“Let your attitude be, when finding something you disapprove of in your brothers, as though you are offering help from yourselves to yourselves, and offering sincerity from yourselves to your Lord, and offering sympathy from yourselves to your brothers.

If you do that, then your own faults will be of more concern to you than those of anyone else, and each of you would seek to win over sincere advice from each other. And whoever offers sincere advice to you and submits it from among you, will enjoy your good favours and graces. ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said concerning this, ‘May Allaah have mercy on the one who brought my faults to my attention.‘

You yourself love to speak and that what you say (to others) should be put up with. But when the like of what you have said, is said to you, you become angry, being angry with the people concerning their traits that you dislike, while you have the like of these traits. Would you then not like that these traits are held against you?!”

[Ad-Daarimee, 1/160]

An Incident From The Life Of ‘Alee Ibn Abee Taalib

‘Alee Ibn Abee Taalib (ra) said:

“I got very hungry in Madeenah, and I went out looking for work in the outskirts of the city. There was a woman who had gathered some dirt, and I thought she wanted to wet it, So I went to her and made an agreement with her (that she would give me) one date for each bucket.

I brought sixteen buckets, until my hands swelled up, the I brought the water and drank some of it. I put my hands like this in front of her hands, and she counted out sixteen dates for me. Then I came to the Prophet (saw) and told him, and he ate some of them with me.” [Sifat As-Safwah, 1/320]

Lessons learned from this story:

1) This incident shows us the hardships that the companions went through and their their conduct in dealing with hardship.

2) ‘Alee went out and worked with his own hands to earn in the proper way, and he did not sit and wait for whatever people gave him.

3) His strength of patience with which he undertook that hard work when he was suffering severe hunger which had sapped his strength.

4) We also learn about giving precedence  to loved ones and showing loyalty to them, because despite his extreme hunger and the hard work he had done himself, he kept his wages of dates until he met with the Prophet (saw) and ate with him.

[‘Alee Ibn Abee Taalib, His Life And Times, by ‘Alee Muhammad As-Sallaabee,  1/148]

[Poem] Description Of Paradise, By Ibn Al-Qayyim

[Opening]

That is only out of fear it should be attained,
By any expect the one deserving, and your lord is most knowledge of the creation.

And even if it should be concealed from us with every disliked thing,
And surrounded by that which troubles the soul.

[Entering Jannah]

By Allah what delights are contained inside,
And all manners of pleasure for the soul to enjoy.

And from Allah is the sweetness of life in its pavilions,
Its gardens and in the meadow which will make one smile.

[Seeing Allaah]

And to Allah belongs its vallley where there is promise of increase,
For those who love Allah; if only I could be of them.

In that valley, the lover wanders,
And he sees the wandering to be a great attainment.

And from Allah is the joy of the lovers when,
He addresses them from above and greets them with salam.

And by Allah, when they see Allah directly,
Neither shall darkness cover their sight nor shall they tire.

Say O what a glance which gives a brightness to the face,
Can the enthralled lover ever forget after that?

[Al-Hoor Al-‘Ayn]

And by Allah, how many fair (maidens), if only were to smile,
She would radiate light brighter then the break of dawn.