“Never underestimate what a simple stroke, a gentle rub, or a soft kiss can do.”
Introduction: Biologically, men and women are both created with a need to fulfil their sexual desires, but one needs to understand that there is a difference in the need for men and women.
In all wisdom, Allah created men with an urge much stronger than women. Men are very visual by nature. Depending on where he lives, a man may build a physiological need for sex, about every 72 hours on average and longer for men who live further away from fitnah. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, we are constantly surrounded by temptation – there is not a day that goes by that you do not stumble upon something of a sexual nature which makes men vulnerable to the calling of women.
When a man constantly feels a strong need for release, it is very hard for him to focus on the other very important aspects of intimacy like sweet words and foreplay, which are needed for a woman to feel sexually desirable.
Men are not to be blamed for their being very sexual by nature. It is just how Allah, in pure wisdom, created them.
A look, a touch, a feminine figure, words can all cause a man to feel a strong urge to release himself. And just like women, a man wants to feel desired. If you show him that you do not enjoy it, he starts to think you don’t love him and this causes him a great deal of stress. Intimacy is an act that releases a lot of stress from the man. When a man is stressed out, the best way for him to feel relaxed and forget all that which is on his mind, is for him to be intimate.
Delaying coming to him may anger him and can turn a pleasurable act to be a very stressful experience. During intimacy a man is at his peak of excitement, any sign of lack of enjoyment by the wife can be very dissatisfying and can cause anger within the husband. This dissatisfaction and anger, however, can reach heights as it is anger which manifests itself at a time when one is trying his hardest to enjoy a pleasurable act. So a smart wife realises this and avoids all the things which turns pleasure into distress.
I have split the causes of anger into three phases; before intimacy, during intimacy and after intimacy.
Before Intimacy: The narrations below are a clear sign that a woman is obliged to respond to the man’s call for intimacy without slackness. And there is much wisdom in this. The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said: “When a man calls his wife to him, then let her respond, even if she is at the oven (baking bread).“ [Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi]
Delaying in responding to his call can cause the man stress. As stated above, being intimate is a means of expressing love and desire. Its a way of saying “I love you.” If the wife delays in responding, she is indirectly showing him that he is not so important and this also shows a lack of concern for his feelings. A man loves to give his wife pleasure through intimacy, and delaying coming to him is an indirect way of telling him he is not good at being intimate. At times he may not be so good at it, but delaying intimacy with him is not a solution to your problem. As a matter of fact, it makes it worse. Insulting a man about his ability to sexually satisfy his wife is from the biggest insults to his manhood.